Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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