wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
