the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
