flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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