Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
