I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
