Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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