I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
