you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
