So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
