I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
