i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
