Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Who died my cat blue again?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
