he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
