we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
