sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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