Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize