and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize