***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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