Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
