Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
where am i from again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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