our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
