All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
