This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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