508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
