What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
