I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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