he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
