did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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