she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
