I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
