You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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