idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
