Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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