it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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