My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
