The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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