oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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