im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize