its not stalking. its research.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
