The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
In America we eat man semen.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
