i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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