where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
