Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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