Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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