The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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