i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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