If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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