don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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