You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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