this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
