I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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