Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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