Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
