Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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