I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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