I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
