VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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