Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
