does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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