you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
