My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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