OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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