i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
