Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize