hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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