i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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