Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
