how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
