Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
