Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
