Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
