so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
