I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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