i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
