Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
