She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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