i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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