Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
