You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is Oprah even human
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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