Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is Oprah even human
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
