it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
