I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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