it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
