Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
