how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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