talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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