Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
