You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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