i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
