I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
