So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
