I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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