Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She's the barista slut.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize