I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
