Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
