I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize