mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
