Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
