im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
