Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
