apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
