If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
