I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
