so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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