: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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