oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
