i just had sex bonerless
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
