So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
