I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
