I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
