You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
