So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
