Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
