I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Blood and glitter go together right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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