i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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