Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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